Just TeeJay's Blog

Really? That’s What it’s been All Along?

•April 21, 2012 • 3 Comments

I’ve been trying to compose this in my head so that it would make some semblance of sense. I don’t know that it will. For those of you that I am close to you will know part of the story already, for those that don’t know me personally I don’t know if it will ever make any sense.

To say I was not a hyper active child would be a severe understatement. My mother always told me that I was a “low energy child”. Food and sleep were (and probably still are) two of my very favorite things in the whole world.

Somewhere around the year 20oo, maybe 2001 I started getting sick. I don’t know effectively I can describe it.

I felt awful.

Everything hurt, I had a severe headache, my whole body felt like I was coming down with the flu… only the rest of the flu symptoms never showed up. But more than anything else I was tired. Tired like you would not believe. Tired to the point that once it got so severe that I had to nap in the hallway trying to crawl to the bathroom from my bedroom. I was incapable of standing up for two days.

The symptoms came and went. Some days were okay – some days were horrible. Some days were worse than that.

After a while some of the symptoms stayed all of the time. The headache has been ever present in my life for at least 8 years.

The doctors had a litany of suggestions and diagnoses of varying ridiculousness. I was labeled a “contrary patient” for not complying with all the medications that they wanted to put me on. Sometimes I would try one or more of them and they never helped the symptoms and in a couple of cases caused SEVERE side effects and complications.

I was desperate to find anything that would make me feel better. I tried almost everything that was suggested. I did research and experimented with pretty much every variable in my life.

I tried to hide what I was going through as much as possible. Bitching about it didn’t make anyone feel better. My Grandma told me “just because you are in pain, doesn’t mean that you have to be one.” I tried to be “present and pleasant” and admittedly failed horribly pretty often. Many days I was barely holding on and on the verge of tears – interacting with people took every ounce of energy that I had. Sometimes I would go off somewhere hide and cry. Way too much of my free time was spent sleeping; thinking that if I could just rest long enough I might feel human again.

In all honesty on more than a few occasions I wanted to eat the business end of a shot gun – just too tired to keep fighting.

I discovered RedBull and it did help. Some days as many as 6 – but normally 4 a day could get me through. Regular caffeine did nothing to help and just made me nauseous. I figured even a $10 a day RedBull habit was better than the permanent disability that the doctors told me was inevitable.

Gluten was something that had come up several times in my research and I had tried cutting back on it a few times – I kept getting sick anyhow so I figured that wasn’t it.

Several months ago for reasons that weren’t really clear at the time I decided to get vigilant about the gluten this time.

My entire life has been transformed. The effect is like night and day. I am beyond excited. I have been hesitant to talk about it too much for fear that this marvelous feeling would go away.

Today I sit here with a second chance at life. Perhaps really my first. I don’t remember EVER feeling this good in my entire life. I am positively giddy at moments. A few days ago I was actively agreeing with a friend and nodding my head and I almost burst into tears with gratitude that the motion didn’t cause me pain.

I CAN MOVE!! and it doesn’t hurt. I have started a running program. Yes, really.

I have been told this is a very difficult diet to maintain and I say that I don’t give a shit. I will do anything to keep this feeling. Anything. If that means that I can never have bread or a hundred other foods again for the rest of my life – I don’t care. NOTHING will EVER be worth going back to feeling like that.

I discuss this here because the person that I am today and the person that I am going to be tomorrow are different from the me that you may have come to know. I have a lot of regrets over the last decade. I did the best that I could with the tools that I had available to me. Many more changes will be coming in the future – some of them I am planning some of them will be based on new opportunities that will be available to me now.

…and if you know someone who is having problems with fatigue and pain – please let them know that gluten sensitivities can cause all those symptoms. Perhaps someone can be saved the years that it took me to figure it out.

———-

I don’t know where I will wind up from here or what I will be doing – but I know that it is going to be wonderful.

Thank you to all of you for sticking by me during the dark ages. I look forward to getting to know you all better.

Thank you!

Posted in introspection, TeeJay
Tags: gluten

Stu’s Phoenix

•April 21, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Was able to finish this one up for Stu today. Since it is half healed the photos are horrible…. but you get the idea.

Posted in tattoo
Tags: Phoenix, tattoo

Stepping Out of the Comfort Zone Again (or still)

•April 17, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Things in my life have changed pretty drastically over the last couple of months. When I have some more time and am better able to articulate it I will fill you in.

In the meantime here is my weekly update.

Some tattoos from this past week:

Monday morning was back to painting class and working on this series. The photos were taken with an iPod, so they aren’t that great – but show the stages that I am at.

Had a break during the day and then back to the studio for figure drawing class Monday night. I was feeling pretty “off” on my figure drawing – but persevered anyhow. It’s good practice even when the results are less than I would have hoped for.

The last two hours of figure drawing was the fourth and final sit for this model. Since I was in Alfred last week – this was my opportunity to try and finish up my painting.
This was a huge step for me. I am used to making tattoo portraits from photographs – so the whole process of drawing from life can be frustrating – Then to take that further painting the figure instead was challenging. Now that I have done one, I don’t know if I would paint the entire figure again – I would probably zoom in closer on the face or something.
It was a great learning experience for me anyhow and I am very glad that I did it.

Last night I also took some photos of what some of the other people in the group where doing:

and mine:

Finished and photographed at home (this time I think the color is better on the iPod pictures):

This week my friend who doesn’t like to be named on the internet sent me some roses – which made for good reference photos.

Posted in Art, drawing, Oil painting, painting, rochester, ny, Sketchbook, tattoo
Tags: figure drawing, painting, roses, Steve Carpenter, tattoo

To Alfred and Beyond!

•April 11, 2012 • 3 Comments

I’m still trying to process my trip to Alfred this week.

For starters it was amazing! I have to admit that I had some mixed feelings about coming to Alfred to speak to art students about my tattooing. Public speaking is definitely not my forte. However since I was asked to speak about myself and my tattooing – it’s not really like I could get it wrong.

I arrived at Alfred Monday night and had a wonderful dinner with my host Fred Tschida and several other new friends. After dinner bunny and I checked in at the Saxon Inn on campus. Not at all what I was expecting. I had kind of figured I would be staying in an old dorm room or something and had even brought a towel and washcloth with me in case where I was staying didn’t have them. Nope. Very nice little hotel with an extra especially nice clerk working the front desk.

Tuesday morning I awoke bright and early to the ongoing sound of my neighbor snoring (I can’t imagine how unbelievably loud it must have been IN his room, because it was pretty bad from mine) and went exploring just a bit. There was an abandoned High School just next door. So very tempting. I am SURE that if I was a student here I would have to go exploring this building!

Outside of the hotel there were a bunch of daffodils when I checked out. I had a few minutes to checkout the outside of the buildings before meeting up with Fred.

After some wandering around the building (into rooms that I was clearly not supposed to be in). I finally asked a student where the neon shop was and he showed me that I was a floor off. The neon shop was obviously an incredibly cool place.

These squirrels were saved from being thrown out and renamed Salt and Pepper. And Fred’s office was even cooler! I could spend weeks in here going through all of the great stuff that he has collected.

A very nice young lady (who’s name I unfortunately have lost) came by to give me a tour of the school. I started out taking photos for a little bit and then became so overwhelmed and excited about the environment that I spaced out and forgot to take any more pictures.

I’ve decided that I want to run away to Art School. I would so very much love to me able to be immersed in this kind of creative place. To be able to experiment with so many different forms of art and to be surrounded by supportive, enthusiastic people. At first I was thinking that I am jealous of all of these students – but then I realized it wasn’t even that. More than jealous, I am excited for them. They have no idea how wonderful it is here. Such is the way of youth that we often don’t appreciate the things that are right in front of us at the time. I know that if I would have been able to go to school I wouldn’t have appreciated it at the time… and I often speak with Art School graduates who think that it wasn’t worth it or they didn’t really learn anything when they were there. They don’t understand that they will not ever again have the opportunity to be so completely immersed in a creative space like that. Maybe it is even why so many art students don’t wind up pursuing art after they graduate…. it must be an enormously loss to be outside of that and have to rely on yourself for inspiration.

For me, since I was unable to attend Art School – I am driven to learn all that I can. Maybe I wouldn’t have that drive if things had gone differently. Who knows.

Anyhow, rather the students know or not – rather they appreciate it or not…. It is an amazing place full of opportunity and inspiration. I am happy for them. * I need to find out who is making this bunny and try to buy it off of them. I want this bunny in my life *

I was able to do my presentation/talk right in the neon lab – which was infinitely more comfortable for me than standing at a podium in a more conventional environment would have been. Since I have never been to University and have never heard an outside speaker come in to present to the class – I have no idea how I did. I do know that the PowerPoint presentations that I put on my iPad actually worked properly and projected as planned. I did not pass out, hyperventilate or even get that weird voice thing that I get when I speak in front of a group. So I was way more comfortable than normal. The students were all very nice and had lots of great questions and feedback for me.

I would even go and do it again.

Fred and his students were wonderful. I wish that I could remember everyone’s names to thank them – but having Fred, Katie and Max there helped me feel more at ease (as well as all of the other students that I was introduced to that day).

The entire experience was both wonderful and surreal and I am terribly grateful that despite my misspent youth and lack of a “proper” education – I was actually invited to a place of learning to share my thoughts.

After I was finished Fred presented me with a really amazing book which is a companion to an exhibit that is going to be (or is currently in) Philadelphia. The book is so incredibly cool that I want to figure out when the exhibit is and take a run down there (maybe to the Mutter Museum the same weekend). Several of the students signed the inside cover as well – so it will be a wonderful souvenir on top of being a wonderful reference source.

I can’t possibly convey how grateful I am for this experience and for the glimpse that I was given of Alfred and it’s students. I’m sitting here both giddy and tearful all at the same time and I guess no one else really needs to understand that but me….

I’m going to go make stuff now : )

Posted in Art, introspection
Tags: Alfred, Alfred University, Art School, Fred Tschida, neon, tattoo

Last Weeks Tattoos and some painting stuff

•April 10, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Been away from the computer for a bit so here is what I was up to last week tattoo wise.

Janine came back in to have a bit more added on to her arm to bring it a bit further down the arm.

And Mary came in for another full day on her stomach. This piece is finished now. Looking forward to seeing what she has in mind for next. Possibly running down her leg? We’ll see. Eric has moved onto his arm adding Mara’s attack on Buddha. There is much more to come and he has decided to bring this further down his arm as well. Stacey’s Grandma used to have Vogue magazines around and had Art Books of Vogue covers. This one resonated with Stacey – so she had this made in memory of her Grandma. And for another memorial tattoo – John is having this done for his Dad. This is his first tattoo and he sat great for this first session. I was really bummed to realized that his next appointment isn’t for a while yet – but it will be cool when we get there!

Some of my paintings that I started in class on Monday.

This is (hopefully) going to be the start of a series of paintings with the same theme. Something I have been playing around with in my head for a while now.

Posted in Art, Oil painting, painting, tattoo
Tags: paintings, tattoos

… and there is painting again (and figure drawing as usual)

•April 3, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Headed back to Art Class with Steve Carpenter (at the Steve Carpenter Gallery). Had no idea what to bring with me to work on – so I grabbed some reference that I have had floating around of some mug shots from the 20s.

some in progress shots during class. I’m trying something new with the photos – so we will see how that works out.

and the same level of progress off of the camera instead –

The usual round of figure drawing sketches..

Helper Cat again. The last one I decided to draw in blue, which while it looks kind of nice in person definitely does not photograph well.

And then my first attempt at painting a figure from life. I took the sketch that I made last week and transferred it to canvas and painted in class. Not really please with the colors again. I am definitely having a hard time translating skin tones from skin to canvas. I am used to all of the warm tones being there (on the skin) and having to primarily focus on tonal range. Mixing colors is going to be a challenge for me if I am going to try to render things realistically.

So I have mixed feelings about the success of this so far – I am still please with myself for trying it as this is WAY outside of my comfort zone.

Hopefully I can make the corrections that I would like next time I am there. I am going to have to miss next week as I am going to be presenting at Alfred and won’t be able to attend class.

Posted in Uncategorized

Sadie of the Bay

•March 31, 2012 • Leave a Comment

This was a fun tattoo to make for a really nice guy and I didn’t feel like waiting to post it:

Posted in tattoo
Tags: dog, portrait, sadie, saint bernard, tattoo

Some of this and Some of that

•March 27, 2012 • 2 Comments

Usual Tuesday update stuff. Some tattoos and figure drawing class. This time I am going to brag about the kid as well.

Paul and I have some pretty amazing children. This is some of Jessie’s artwork. The portrait of me was Jessie’s first attempt at life drawing. She knows that I have been going to figure drawing class, so the one day that we were both hanging out in the studio she drew me. I don’t remember how long ago it was – but she just brought a bunch of artwork home from school the other day and I grabbed these pictures. She is fearless in her art and I think that is way too cool!

Erin came in Saturday and I made this really fun tattoo for her. It’s so happy and Spring like that it makes me smile. I told her that it looks like a greeting card. I wasn’t sure how she took that – but I meant it as a compliment.

Jim stopped in Saturday so that I could take some healed photos of his back. I don’t know if he reads this – but if he does…. Jim I’m sorry that I rushed out, but I was on my way to my first Sabres Hockey game and I was pretty excited. (Didn’t want to miss my ride!)

Katie got this tattoo based on a photograph of a moth that she took when she was in China. There is writing next to the moth that is her Grandfather’s handwriting of “I love you” in Chinese. I didn’t get a good photo of that part though.

and then today we worked a little bit more on Natalie’s Mucha-ish tattoo. Next we will be adding some more peacock feathers at the top.

Figure drawing class went really well last night – even though I arrived late. I made two drawings that I was not only happy with, but that kind of sort of looked like the people I was drawing. The last one is of the model who will be sitting for the whole month so I intend to try and paint her from life. This should be an adventure and I will keep you updated on how it is going.

Posted in Art, drawing, rochester, ny, Sketchbook, tattoo, TeeJay
Tags: birds, figure drawing, tattoos

Couple of Great Starts

•March 23, 2012 • 4 Comments

This week I started two tattoos that I am super excited about.

Wednesday I started this for Dina. There is much more coming on this one. Thanks Dina!

And Friday this was the first session on Stu’s Phoenix. The tail on this will stand out much better when I can put the darks in. Thanks Stu!

Stu is a super busy sort of guy. You can follow him on Twitter at either @TheSimpleTwist or @FLX5and10
and check out his new 5K Trail Race (with obstacles) at http://flxevents.com

and just because I am excited about the weather – here is a shot of the tree in my front yard.

Posted in tattoo
Tags: Phoenix, Rainbow Goblins, tattoo

Making Pictures and Stuff

•March 20, 2012 • Leave a Comment

The weather here has been absolutely incredible for March. I have never ever seen or heard of a Spring this warm this early here. Rumor is that we are going to break another record today.

We have had fog almost every morning and it burns off to a beautiful warm day like I hear they have frequently in other parts of the Country.

The Bay on the way in to work the other morning:

There have been a whole lot of old friends by the shop lately. This week Kim was here for a bit to add onto a tattoo that I made for her about 12 or 13 years ago. There is more to come – looking forward to visiting and continuing to catch up. I have taken a lot of flack on this tattoo since I posted it on my Twitter feed the day that I made it. So a bit of a back story. I made this tattoo for Paul about 12 years ago. He assured me that I tried to talk him out of it at the time. He explained to me the extenuating circumstances of what he was going through and how much he had wanted to move somewhere warm. When I made the tattoo originally there was only the one palm tree and the text “New York Sucks” was written small where the lower peninsula is now. I had made it too small originally and it was now pretty hard to read. The new improvements should hold up much better and will be a great source of discussion when he finally reaches that sunny place of his dreams. Eric came by and we did an all too short sitting on his Buddha tattoo. Now that Buddha is pretty much finished up the next step will to be start on Mara and his entourage on Eric’s arm. Eric is going to be so thrilled when he finds out how much easier it is to get your arms tattooed than your chest.

John had started this Flash Gordon tattoo a while back and then we got distracted with a couple of other tattoo projects. He came back and wanted background added around and behind Flash and Dale. We will still need another sitting to add background around Ming that is on the underside of his arm. Once again I have to apologize for my horrible photography skills – this tattoo is stunning in person.

Brad stopped by so that I could take healed photos of his now fully repaired Cheetah. I was tattooing so Nadia was nice enough to take a couple photos for me. For the record – all of her photos were usable. Maybe she can give me some pointers. Joe came in to have the space filled on his arm between his forearm tattoo and the portrait of his Grandparents. Took a bunch of photos – but none of them really turned out well. Here are the better ones: