Sick

•December 1, 2009 • 1 Comment

I am so very very sick of being sick.

Despite the nice variety of different diagnosis from various doctors over the years (lupus, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, depression, etc.,). Not one of them has ever given me a way to stop feeling this way. I don’t know how other people react to this stuff but having a doctor tell me that I have “chronic fatigue syndrome” and that it “is a real disease” just pisses me off. To me this is like me going to a doctor and telling him that I have this horrible pain in my head and that it is keeping me from working and is affecting my way of life and have him tell me that “it’s called a headache, it’s a real disease” and then giving me absolutely nothing constructive to do about it. Telling me that I am depressed when I am not pisses me off as well. I get depressed. I know depressed. Yes, sometimes I get depressed when I have been sick for a while, but it always comes after the sick not before, and plenty of times I spend all sorts of time deep into depressed without getting sick.

It’s been probably about four or five years since I even bothered to try and go to one and talk to them about it. I actually probably don’t even have a doctor at this point. I don’t know how long you have to not show up before they consider you not to be a patient anymore.

I think that I have tried everything on my own that I could possibly think of to try and make this go away. Then every time it comes back I feel like I have failed somehow. There are days where it is everything that I can do to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. Some days it gets the better of me. Some days I can push through and act “as if”.

Fortunately the universe seems to take good care of me. Today, which was especially bad, both of my appointments no showed. While I think that maybe it would have been a good distraction to be working, I am glad that I have had today to rest. Tomorrow I am working at the doctor’s office and I always feel extra especially guilty if I have to cancel those appointments.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Fear of the Dark

•December 1, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Painting that I did for a show in Connecticut. Always nervous when I do stuff and then send it away in the mail… but I was pretty pleased with this one. Other thing is that I have mixed feelings about them selling. While it is nice to know someone liked it enough to buy it. It seems kind of like adopting out a pet without meeting the person who is buying them first. Guess I am too emotionally attached to my projects.

•November 19, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Tim's LegTim’s 777 tattoo. One of the very rare times when a client asked me to do whatever I wanted and I actually did. Hoping to be able to add more photos here soon. Still feeling my way through all of this.

The Untalented Artist

•November 19, 2009 • Leave a Comment

On the shop web page there is a reference to myself not being very talented as an artist that is followed by a link to a separate page just labeled “The Story”. Some people have found it and some have not. Below it is reposted with some minor modifications.

___________

“I have been drawing on everything that I could get my hands on since I was bitty. Since my Mother appreciated quiet activities, this behavior was encouraged. A nice little hobby. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t even very good at it.”

Now enough people have asked me about this statement that I felt it needed further clarification. So if you are interested, here is “The Story”

When I was little (really little) my mom used to read me stories (I think this is a pretty common childhood thing) the difference is that my mom often selected Greek mythology for our story time. Because of this unusual choice there weren’t pictures on every page like their were in most kids books. As a result, I was especially interested when we got to a page with a picture on it. It had to be looked at and studied before we could move on. Right at that point in my life I decided that I wanted to be one of those people who makes the pictures (found out later that they were called “Illustrators” – it became a magical word to me). Whenever anyone asked what I wanted to be when I grew up – I told them proudly “an artist!” They told me that was great. I drew my little pictures and mom oohed and aahed over them, stuck them on the fridge or passed them along to the Grandparents. I was content with my vision of my future.
Some time passed and I found out that I wasn’t as good as some of the other kids at drawing. This concerned me some. Doubt and fear began to creep into the dream. (What if I am not good enough?) Then one day a boy in my class (I have come to call him Tony, but at this point so much time has passed that I might have made his name up somewhere along the line) was drawing pictures. We were all gathered around him amazed. For fourth grade (or whatever it was) he was amazing! Everyone was telling him how good he was at it and how great he was. He told us emphatically that drawing was stupid and it was just something that he did sometimes – no big deal. (As an adult I have a whole different perspective on this response… but at the time…) I was devastated! How could he say those things? How could he have been given such an amazing gift and say it was stupid? How could he be that talented and not even care?!?
I was really worked up.
So worked up that when my mom got home from work that night I was still really upset.
I relayed the entire story to her expecting her to tell me that Tony was an idiot and a stupid boy – something to make me feel better at the time. Instead my mom gave me some of the best advice of my life.
She told me that Tony had obviously been born much more talented than me at art….<what?> but that it didn’t matter. <now I knew that she had really not been listening>
She told me that if Tony didn’t care – he wouldn’t practice and he wouldn’t progress. He would always draw just like he did in the fourth grade. <but, but … he draws GREAT!!!!! I continued to insist…>
But, (and here is where it got helpful) I could get to be way better than Tony. If I was passionate about what I did, continued to work as hard at it as I possibly could and practiced every single day – I would get to be light years better than Tony.
She gave me hope. She gave me a way to hang on to my dream.
Since then I have also learned that it is important to always remain teachable as well. (Well, OK, there are a lot of other things I have learned since fourth grade)
But most importantly she taught me that hard work can accomplish the impossible and that I have to believe in myself no matter what.

I continue to tell this story to people when they tell me how talented and blessed I am because I want people to know that they can accomplish their dreams as well,
even if they aren’t as good as Tony.

_____________

An artist that I greatly admire recently told me that “The difference between mediocrity and excellence is the attention to detail”. He talked a great deal about his lack of ‘talent’ as well. I think that in some ways those people who were born with an advantage or a talent are sometimes at a disadvantage in the long run. I have met so many talented artist that remind me of Tony. They don’t work hard at it. They do everything they can at the last possible second. They don’t push themselves because they don’t have to. The rest of us normal folks simply have to work harder at it if we want to keep up…. and in trying to do so wind up excelling.

So if what I do looks easy to you, then I am doing a good job and I am flattered. I don’t expect clients to understand the hours and hours of prep and the lack of sleep trying to fine tune their tattoo.

All that matters is that they wind  up with a piece of art that they can love for a lifetime.

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. It takes away some of the magic.

The Tweetie Story

•November 17, 2009 • 3 Comments

I had a pretty regular client who had told me that his daughter wanted to get something small for her 18th birthday. We did all the regular preliminary stuff and the daughter (who I will call Amy because that is not her name) came in for her appointment. The tweetie design had been selected at an earlier date and we were ready to go.

Amy was a”difficult” to tattoo. All the nightmare customer behaviors. She wiggled. She squealed. She pulled away from me at all of the exact wrong times. That nice dome head of tweetie’s that is difficult to do on a good client became an almost insurmountable obstacle. In the end I pulled it off and on top of that I managed to remain patient, professional and caring throughout the process. Amy was ecstatic about her new tattoo and went on her way. I heard no more from or about her for several years.

One day I return to the shop and there is a vague message that some woman had called looking for me. She wanted me to locate a stencil for a tweetie tattoo that I had done several years prior. She had left no number and had said that she would call back. I secretly hoped that she would not. The odds of finding a particular line drawing from several years ago are not good.

The next day I got a call from an old client (the Dad from the beginning of the story). Once he explained who he was and what the tattoo was I was pretty sure that I could find it and/or recreate it. He told me that it was extremely important but didn’t really get into why. I was able to locate the line drawing and he stopped by to pick it up. When he got to the shop he told me about Amy’s experience with the tattoo from her point of view. He wasn’t really sure why she had chosen the tweetie in the first place. She had liked tweetie – but it hadn’t seemed like a big enough part of her life to get it tattooed on her. When she had gotten the tattoo done it had been really hard for her (this part I knew and remembered without him reminding me, but I let it go). The tattoo was painful and hard for her to sit through – but once she had she was so thrilled with it, everything changed. The tweetie became a badge of courage to her. It represented to her that she could do anything. She became a bit of a tweetie fiend and started to decorate everything that she could tweetie. I was happy for her, but still confused about why he was there looking for the stencil from the tattoo.

It turns out that Amy had passed away and the family had decided to put the tweetie design on her tombstone. I was flooded with emotions. I won’t get into what all of them were here. I am sure you can figure some of them out for yourself (especially if you are a parent also).

Once the tombstone was finished and set in place, they brought me a photo of it. I keep that picture readily available and I look at it often. Why you may ask. Why are you telling me this story? Because for those of us who tattoo for a living it is vitally important to remember the significance of what we do. What may be a simple or “stupid” design could mean the world to the person who is wearing it. We have to remember that every single day.

Yes, we have a responsibility to make sure that the design is visually appealing and will last in the skin…. but we have no right to look down our noses at other people or decide that their tattoo concept is “dumb” or insignificant. It makes me sad when we as artists lose sight of this. If you tattoo, please remember this story the next time you get angry over having to do the same ol’ tattoo yet again. These people are trusting us with their skin and their memories.

It’s important.

Like I totally want to be a Tattoo Artist

•November 5, 2009 • 4 Comments

I am approached pretty regularly by people looking for an apprenticeship and/or wanting to tattoo. We are on TV now and all, so I understand the lure of what looks to be (and indeed can be) a really fun job.

Now usually what happens is that they will call or stop in and want to know how they can make this happen.

Normally I tell them that they really need to come in with some art work for me to look at.

If they do indeed show up with artwork I will start with a series of  questions designed for me to get to know them better. From there based on the answers to these questions I will usually give them an assignment. Sometimes it is to go home and draw a set of flash. Sometimes it is as basic as “go figure out why you would like to do this and what you have to offer and come back and tell me about it”.

I never see 99% of them again.

So what I am figuring is that they want me to give them a career and a lifetime of knowledge for absolutely nothing in return. Some of them actually are under the impression that I should pay them during their apprenticeship period.

If you are interested in apprenticing under me and would like to come talk to me… here are some of the questions that you can expect to hear and what I would be expecting from you:

  • Why do you want to tattoo?
  • Why do you want me to apprentice you?
  • Do you have tattoos?
  • Who have you been tattooed by?
  • What kind of art background do you have?
  • Do you have a portfolio put together geared towards tattooing? Is that portfolio professionally presented? Or is it a bunch of notepaper and school projects stuck in a folder?
  • What do you have to offer me or my studio in return?
  • How would you be an asset to the industry?
  • What steps have you taken to educate yourself? Art classes? Medical classes? Magazine subscriptions? Online research?
  • Do you have a job or situation which will support you during your apprenticeship? Can you handle working and apprenticing at the same time?
  • Have you done any flash sheets? Are you selling them?
  • Have you been to any Tattoo Conventions?
  • Are you willing to commit to working out of my shop for 2-5 years after your apprenticeship is completed?

I would expect that you would have good answers to all of these questions – that you would not be appalled that I could ask you something that ‘stupid‘. And above and beyond all of that – that you NOT have been trying it out, tattooing your buddies or have already purchased your first ‘gun’ off of e-bay.

Beyond that if I ask you to go home and draw flash I expect that you actually follow through with it. Why would I invest a year (or more) into teaching you my trade if you can’t draw some flash up?!?

Just Checking it Out

•November 4, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I have thought about doing a blog for some time. In all honesty I don’t really know why. While I “journaled” in my youth,  I have never been the diary type and I don’t consider the written word to be my forte. That being said, there are days when I feel that I have something to say. Something that I would like to express to no one in particular and/or anyone who would listen.

I imagine this to be the reason for blogs.

I might be wrong about that. I might find out that I have no interest in any of this.

But in the meantime, here I am. Typing words to send out into the void. A safe place (perhaps?) to bare my heart and stand on my soapbox.

… and since I have no idea on how to go about doing this (or work this program) any input or advice would be appreciated.

~namaste