Figure Drawing July 1st, 2019
Yes. Again. Every week that I possibly can.
Because it’s good for me to draw things that aren’t tattoos. Because it is good for me to draw. Because it is good for me to understand the human form and anatomy better. And possibly most importantly because it is important that I get out and interact with other humans. Even better if those humans are artists as well. Far more likely that they will “get” me and that I won’t feel like quite as much of a freak.
My birthday was Sunday. I don’t do particularly well with birthdays. Not in the “I’m getting older” sort of way – but in the “I don’t like people to look at me” sort of way. When I was small I hated the idea of Birthday Parties. It seemed beyond narcissistic to me that one was expected to invite ones friends over and then expect them to come bearing gifts. Come worship me! Then to make things worse one is expected to then sit in a center point while everyone else watches us open said items. Awkward? Beyond so. I disliked every bit of that. Yes, I was a kid. I liked stuff… but not enough to extort my friends for it. (It is worth noting that I had no problem with the other end of this. I never felt like my friends were extorting me for gifts.)
This year a friend did a very nice thing for me and we did our normal Sunday walk and then we picnicked. She had suggested that we go out somewhere for snacks but I don’t like to eat out too much these days on account of the gluten thing. We sat in the park and snacked and visited and watched the chipmunks bounce along in and out of the grass.
What does this have to do with Figure Drawing? Putting myself outside of my comfort zone. I would in years past not have let anyone know it was my birthday and/or refused to let anyone do anything for me. It’s uncomfortable.
Ugly truth? Growth doesn’t happen without discomfort.
I can’t tell you how many people have told me that they would love to come to figure drawing – but that they need to get better first.
What?
That’s what it is for. This is the same mentality that keeps people who are trying to get into shape from going to the gym because they think they need to get into shape to go to the gym. No. You go to the gym to get into shape.
Fears come in all shapes and sizes.
Some of mine I am working on and there are (I’m sure) a bunch of them that I haven’t even poked at yet. They will come in time. For today, I go to Figure Drawing even when I am uncomfortable Even when my brain tells me that I am not getting any better. Even when I am tired. Even when I tell myself it is “pointless”. Even when I think everything that I made that night was awful.
AND I will let people be nice to me for my birthday. I will be open to the love and the growth that is around me (even when I don’t think that I deserve it) and I will keep fighting my brain for control of my life. I hope that you are able to make some progress defeating your fears and reaping the benefits. If one of those fears involves going to Figure Drawing – let me know and we can get together some Monday so you can give it a try. It doesn’t even hurt.
Time lapse of my drawing:
Just TeeJay's Blog 
You are truly dedicated snd talented
Thank you 🙂
A belated happy birthday! I think I’m guilty of the same attitude of not feeling good enough to participate – mostly in the aerobics classes and the zumba classes since I don’t know the routines… Maybe I’ll suck it up and just do it!
I think all of us battle our inner demons to some degree. For me it is the voice that tell me that I am never enough. In the end, I would prefer to regret the things that I have done instead of the things that I have not done. No one knows the routines at Zumba when they start. Same deal, you can’t learn them if you don’t go. Also I am fairly certain that they can’t fire you from Zumba. If you sign up for a class, you have every bit as much right to be there as anyone else. Try it. You might like it. You might hate it – but at least you will know and it won’t have been fear that kept you away from it. I wish you all the fun things and good memories.