For the Love of Toby

If you have spent much time with me you have heard about Toby already.

If you have not the short version is that Toby was a street urchin that I found hanging by his neck on a fence.

I was told not to expect him to live. (I actually didn’t think he was alive when I found him) He was malnourished, dehydrated and weighed less than a pound. I refused to believe that. I could not believe that the Universe would have let me find him there like that only to let him die on me afterwards.

He needed injections to get fluid into him. He was too weak to stand up or eat – but still ornery enough to try and hiss at anyone who tried to touch him. I had to pry his mouth open and put tuna juice on his tongue to get him to eat. When he was well enough to walk around I had to wash his bum for him after he used the box. (Teigan also helped with the kitten bathing.)

He was my kind of freak.

We bonded. I don’t expect you to understand how much. Suffice it to say that my head was Toby’s favorite place to be – and when he couldn’t swing that, my lap or my pillow would do in a pinch. He waited for me at the door every night after work. He supervised my drawings and homework. He walked through my paint palettes. When I went out of town he would pace the house and sometimes cry trying to figure out where I went. In the very very deepest darkest parts of my depression when I could convince myself that the whole world would be better off without me, I could never convince myself that Toby would be. I knew that I meant as much to him as he did to me and he would be lost without me.

He left last night. Suddenly. He had been sick.. He had two surgeries to remove lumps that turned out to be cancer. I thought we had another year or two together. Turns out that we did not. Paul and I were with him when he took his last breath and I held him all night last night. I am devastated beyond words.

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I hope that everyone gets to experience this kind of unconditional love at some point in their life.

~ by justteejay on May 27, 2015.

9 Responses to “For the Love of Toby”

  1. My heart is heavy for you. May the universe bring you some calmness and piece

  2. There are no words that can make this hurt lessen or console during these times but I try.. Toby was my favorite cat that wasn’t mine.. He loved you and knew you were his guardian.. There are creatures we have in our lives that are so special and can never be replaced and I know Toby will always be with you.. I suck with words but I just want you to know that we understand and love you.. I’m so thankful for the times that I got to see Toby’s adorable little face from the stairway and then the few times he did let me be his friend.. I’m so sorry you did not have more time with him, it’s not fair.. He will be remembered always!!!!

  3. im so sorry teejay. They all hold such a special place in our hearts. the special bond, that we have with our little pals, is so very strong. they love us no matter what, and we love them back just as much. i know how i felt when i had to let go of 3 of our 4 kitties within less than a year. Im now with my little precious baby and she means the world to me. Toby’s still with you, around you, and i’m sure right by your side, making sure your ok. i’m glad you were blessed with such love. If you ever need anything at all, please know I am here if you need me…love, and huggs. Mary

  4. Sorry for your loss. The unconditional love of a pet is an awesome thing. Kelly and I will be sending our love across the miles to you. You were lucky to have found eachother. RIP Toby Cat.

  5. What a beautiful story thank you for sharing.

  6. TeeJay: Toby is a kindred spirit and he will remain in your heart forever. Such a strong bond can never be broken. Please know you will see him again. You will see his beautiful face, feel his soft fur, and hear him purring in your ear. Toby is at peace, and his soul is with God. He will come to you in your dreams to show you he is fine and healthy again. He is so lucky to have you as his “person”. You saved his life, and he saved yours. God has blessed both of you. Love, Aunt Jean & Uncle Steve

  7. So sorry for your loss heartfelt condolences sent your way. (((((hugs))))

  8. I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like Toby was so much more than a pet, more a companion, a kindred spirit. I will keep both of you in my thoughts.

  9. Condolences, lady we will meet our fur babies again 😂 until that time we open our jaded hearts to welcome another animal!

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